The Pain of Letting Go
by Gabrielle Briant
Summary: Marian confronts her husband about his feelings toward a certain Evil Queen. Takes place three weeks after the finale. Marian's POV.


_Erm… this is my first FF in English. And it's also my first OUAT fic, so… be kind, I guess? The thing is, I love Outlaw Queen, but I also love Maid Marian. And this has been in my mind since Sunday. __Earlier posted on Tumblr._

_I don't own anything - if I did, Regina would be happy. All the time._

_.-._

**THE (OBVIOUS) PAIN OF LETTING GO**

**.-.**

She knew what was happening. She knew the reason behind it. And she should not have turned her back on this issue for so long.

Staring absently at the fire, Marian thought of these last three weeks – in a strange land, after being ripped out of her time against her will. She never wanted that; but, at least at first, the woman could see the silver lining: she had been reunited with a family she thought to have lost forever. A second chance in life, by their side. Happiness. But then… then she found out that, though Roland looked to have aged only a year or two and though Robin face hadn't acquired new lines, it had been thirty years. She had been gone for thirty years, and everything had changed in the meantime. Robin, more than everything and everyone else.

Marian noticed something was wrong during her very first night in that strange Land – once the overwhelming emotion of seeing his wife alive again was calm, Robin glanced away and there was something in his eyes. A mix of sadness and worry. Overjoyed, the woman was quick to disregard it. That night, after they went back to the camp, Robin kissed her; but it was passionless and he did not lay with her. Again, Marian disregarded it, happy just for having him and her son by her side again.

The next time she knew something was wrong was when they finally made love, a whole week after her return. It felt strange. Marian was no longer familiar with the way he touched – and realizing that it was foolish of her to hope that, in 30 years, he hadn't had other women in his bed was very painful. But it was _excruciating _to notice that he kept his eyes shut almost the whole time. When he did look at her, as he had his release, it _killed_ her to see nothing but guilty in his eyes. Again, Marian tried to disregard it – Robin was the most honorable man she had ever known; she was sure her husband was feeling guilty for giving in to his pleasure when he thought to be a widower. It did hurt; but it wasn't his fault. The woman would never hold it against him, and she hoped it wouldn't take long for him to realize there was nothing to forgive.

It was on the second week since her return that Marian finally knew why her husband barely touched her anymore; why he diverted his eyes from her; why he looked so sad all the time; why things were so different between them. They were by the beach, Roland running and collecting rocks, when two people came walking in the opposite direction: the boy named Henry and, of all people, The Evil Queen; though, Marian had to admit, she didn't look quite like herself in that Realm. The Queen looked more like a woman than like the myth; and the way she carried herself reminded nothing of the vile royal who only two weeks ago – as Marian felt – had ordered her imprisonment. The glance she exchanged with Robin before pass them without even greeting was quick; but more than enough for Marian to read it. In her eyes, disappointment and sorrow. In his eyes, pain, regret and…

…and something else. A warmth and an admiration Marian hadn't seen since she arrived in that Land. A glow that used to appear in his eyes only when he looked at _her_; back in the Enchanted Forrest, back when he stole her away, back when she was still _his_ Marian, back when everything was perfect.

That was the moment in which Marian _knew_: she had lost her Robin Hood.

Marian passed her hands through her face, wiping the tears that had insisted to fall as soon as she heard the distinct sound of leaves being crushed. Her husband was approaching, finally returning. He was out very often, since strange occurrences started taking place in that Realm – frosts, snow and frozen animals –, he and The Merry Men were recruited help Prince James and The Dark One to uncover what was happening.

"I'm sorry it took me so long, my Love," – He said, taking a seat by her side and kissing her temple. Not her lips, as he used to. – "The Dark One says he may know who is responsible for the frosting."

"Someone dangerous?"

"Yes; and, according to him, incontrollable." – She looked at the wrinkle between his eyebrows, deeper as he said those words. Robin was concerned. – "You may need to leave the woods. You and Roland will be safer in the city."

"Will you come?"

"I should stay here with The Merry Men." – The pain in her chest was too sharp to be ignored; and easily mirrored in her eyes. – "David, Emma, Hook, The Dark One and Regina, among others, are all keeping watch in the city; someone has to do the same here."

The explanation didn't bring her peace of mind, because, even though it was likely for him to do such thing, all she heard was how he referred to her – _Regina_; not _Her Majesty_ or _The Queen_.

Marian could not ignore that any longer. It wasn't fair. To either of them.

"Perhaps it'll be for the best," – She said; the pain evident in her every word. – "This way you'll have some time for yourself, to think this situation over."

"What situation?"

"_Us_."

There was a shadow of remorse in his eyes.

"Marian…"

"You thought I was dead, Robin. For thirty years. I do not blame you for moving on with-"

"You are my wife." – He interrupted firmly, trying to convince both Marian and himself. – "I made you a vow, and I will keep it for as long as I live."

She smiled sadly, because she should have known that. She should have seen that he never truly chose to be with her; he chose to do what felt honorable. He chose not to abandon the mother of his child, in spite of his heart.

"Do you love me?"

"Of course I do." – He didn't flinch or hesitated; and, for a moment, Marian's heart was overwhelmed with hope. But _only_ for one moment. Because Marian knew that love was never that simple. The truth was, he would always love and cherish her – for their son and for the memory of what they once had. But the passion wasn't there anymore; the longing, the affection, the desire… they belonged to another woman now. At the thought, Marian's eyes filled with tears again. She closed them when she felt Robin's warm hand on her face, tracing it tenderly.

"Are you _in love_ with me?"

He didn't answer immediately; his fingers stopped tracing her face, and the woman could _almost_ feel him tensing. She knew Robin was struggling with the question; and Marian knew he didn't want to hurt her with the honest answer.

No, he was not in love with her. He was in love with The Evil Queen, his _Regina_.

"Please don't do this…" – It was what he said. It hurt more than if he had been blunt.

When Marian opened her eyes, she tried to smile through her sorrow. She understood. She _needed_ him to know that she understood. The woman reached for the hand that was frozen on her face and held it, lowering it to her lap, intertwining their fingers.

"I love you so much…"

"Don't, please…"

"I can't do this to you, Robin."

"I lost you, My Love. I lost you for 30 years. I will not lose you again. I will not let you go."

Her smile became wider, contrasting with the tears that finally fell and with the ache in her chest.

"I'm the one letting you go, Robin." – She said softly. – "It's The Queen, isn't it? You're in love with her?"

Robin shook his head, once again taking a while to come up with an answer that was both sincere and careful. He didn't want to hurt her; he didn't want her to feel like she had been replaced; he didn't want her to doubt his love for her. And Marian didn't. She would never.

"I swear to you, since you came back to me, I have never-"

"I know." – And she did know. She would never accuse Robin of unfaithfulness, because it wasn't in his character. The problem was, by ignoring his feelings, he was being unfaithful to himself. – "I trust you… But this is not what I asked."

"You're my wife; I love you."

"This is not what I asked, either."

The man closed his eyes and sighed tiredly. The guilt was more evident than ever when he looked at her once again; his eyes watering.

"Marian, I'm so sorry…"

His sincere, heartfelt apology finally broke her; and, with no control over her tears, Marian couldn't do anything but to lean over to her husband and bury her face on his chest – taking in his essence, feeling his warmth, acting as if she belonged there, in his arms, for the very last time. Maid Marian once left her family and background because she fell in love with a thief. Now she had to give up on him because, more than herself, she wanted the man she still loved with all her soul to find happiness.

It felt like she stayed there for a very long time – her tears getting calmer as he stoked her dark locks. When the woman finally looked up at him again, she pressed her lips chastely against his. For the first time since she was taken to that Land, Robin didn't hesitate against her lips. And that was only because he, too, knew that that was a goodbye kiss.

When they parted, Marian smiled at him.

"Our time has passed, Robin." – She said. – "I release you from the promise you made me."

"You're my family, Marian; you and Roland."

"And we'll continue as such. But I cannot have you with me if the price for it is your happiness."

"And, yet, you want me to leave at the expense of yours?"

"No," – The woman shook her head slowly as she caressed his hair. – "I want you to do what you always did, My Love: follow your heart."

Robin looked away, sad and defeated; his heart just as broken as hers. But, beneath the obvious pain of letting go, there was relief in his eyes. Because, like her, deep down Robin knew that neither of them would be happy in that situation.

His heart didn't belong to Marian anymore; and now he was free to give it to The Queen, its rightful owner. He would be happy by her side. And if Robin was happy, Marian would be, too.

~x~

_Sorry about the bad English, and I hope you enjoyed it! _


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